Monday, July 13, 2009

Day 1

Breakup of treatment into three phases

Pre-treatment, primary treatment and post treatment. Before I wax eloquent about the three phases, let me sob over the pre-pretreatment phase.

I am now undergoing what is called the Ama Pachanam, the pre-pretreatment phase where I have to go on a fat-free diet. No milk, no oil, no spice.
And above all no COFFEE. Can you imagine, no coffee? Tell a true blue south Indian to stay away from coffee and she will commit hara-kiri. Lucky for me I do not understand Japanese and hence did not commit the whatever.
But it has not been easy, I tell you.
I just have to hear the syllable Ka and my eyes dilate with tears. I feel intense viraha for the brown fluid. For the first time in my life I understand why most alcoholics trade every last ounce of their credibility for the sake of the bottle. What would I not give for now one cup of coffee?
Adding fuel to the fire is a magazine which has asked me to write on….guess what? ….Coffee! Life is a four-lettered word I say. By day 1 evening I was bawling over the phone to my doctor.
“What at all may I drink? I am craving a hot beverage. What can I drink?” I wept.
“Drink HOOOT water,” she said kindly.

I cannot have coffee, what I can have instead is Shaddaranam, this absolutely delightful bitter powder that can make a bittergourd seem like laddoo. Have Shad-daranam and all you can think of is the pot. If “Pot” gives you transcendental thoughts, Shad-daranam gives you thoughts of the pot.

To digress a bit, there is this medicine called Triphala (made from equal parts of Amalaki, bibhitaki and Haritaki) a super laxative that can churn your stomach in seconds and make it expel even ten days fixed deposit in your intestines in 2 mins. Now if Triphala is the mother of laxatives then Shad-daranam seems to be the Pitamaha of Triphala. I will get back to you on the ingredients of this bitter medicine which is working like a Super-Bat-Spider-Shakti-man of a laxative on me. My intestines, I fear are going to descend and drop into the pot shortly.
I should have one tsp of this "pot-thoughts" inducing medicine every morning and evening (instead of coffee). No need to explain where I sit rest of the day. Thank god for wireless and the peerless (pan) I continue to work from where I am.

A note to my gentle readers. There is an Amazon of a woman here who pops in every two minutes, asking me to shut down the "TV". No amount of explaining convinces her that what I have here is a laptop. According to her, "If it sings and shows video, it is TV". Hence my posts may come a little late. But hang in there. I will post something everyday for you people. Also try and leave a comment, good or bad. I love hearing from my readers (especially the coffee drinking ones) and especially during this unhealthy time of being away from civilization. SWAT, sorry that was a mosquito. Bye and hang in there.


  1. Hi Jaya..

    Ever since IE replaced 'The hindu' @ home, I've been familiar with you and your style of writing.. And I must say, I enjoy 'most' of them..

    And I have this habit from childhood, munching on something when 'am reading something interesting to pass my time. :-)

    I had actually book marked the list of your articles from IE on my browser :-) Now, I am done with them all.. but when I was new to it, all I did was, come evening, I rush to our cafe to get some delicious Samosas and head off to your articles :D It so happened, that every time our office 'snack'e`taria had something to offer, I searched for your articles to read or re-read them.. They went hand in hand with the snacks.. :D Thank you for all that....

    If there was one specific thing I enjoyed reading most, it was the column on 'Mist and mellowness', the chennai marghazhi season's. It was written soooo well..

    :) hope i did my little to help you during your 'tuf' days in there.. :)

  2. Dear Madam,
    I am a subscriber of Indian Express and have been following your loony life. This panchakarma episodes are really nice to read and informative too.

  3. Hi Jaya,

    I have been following your column in
    The New Indian Express for past few months. It is good to see you here among the bloggers :). Eagerly waiting for your upcoming posts.


  4. Dear Archana, Manu Mohan and Poornima,
    Thank you so much for your warm words. It really compensates for the lack of coffee here. I have restricted access to net/work here so I will write individual mails little later.
    Thanks :) Have a coffee on me.

  5. Hi Jaya... I had been reading Loony Life from a long time..but postponed reading ur blog..cos im a match to one of the characters of ur prev blog narrating the story of a lazy king :P ..nyways...its pure fun reading ur column..and evrybody in our family enjoys it...and don worry im compensating ur having it twice a day.. :D


  7. Snigdha, Thanks you so much for all the coffee you are consuming on my behalf and RAINCHAMBER, Aw! Don't kill me......... JM