Saturday, July 11, 2009

The Purging of Jaya Madhavan

Welcome and namaste to all my dear readers who have arrived to read about the purging of Jaya Madhavan easily one of the pleasantest topics to read just before brunch, lunch or dinner.
I am undergoing the Panchakarma (Ayurvedic) treatment and do not be misled by anyone who says it is one of the most ex-otic, ex-quisite and ex-hilarating treatments to undergo. If at all it is any “ex”, it is ex-asperating and ex-pensive.
Just to give you the context- I have been suffering an insufferable ailment the past four years- a way too unglamorous illness that does not suit my writer-image as much as a lymphosarcoma or a brain tumour would. After a long round in allopathic hospitals where doctors were about as helpful as BSNL employees, I zeroed in on an Ayurvedic doctor who in no simple terms told me that what I have is a Vatta disorder and my apana vayu (downwardly mobile bodily gas) is all screwed and angry and causing me the illness. The Sanskrit sloka she quoted to substantiate her diagnosis sounded something like “Vatta-shutta-butta-pitta-kutta-mutta-swaha!”
Just as I was fleeing both the Sanskrit and the diagnosis, a helpful Dubashi in the clinic told me kindly that, according to Ayurveda all diseases are a manifestation of the imbalances in the three doshas of Vatta, Pitta and Kafa (roughly gas, bile and phlegm) and once these three Musketeers are evened out, the disease should also automatically vanish. And a sure shot side effect of this treatment, he said would be weight loss upto 7 kilos in 22 days. Now that got me hooked and here I am, undergoing the Panchakarma treatment- the ultimate laundering of your body.

Note on Panchakarma

Panchakarma (literally meaning "five actions") is directed at cleansing your body by removing toxins through nasal therapy (Nasya), Vomiting (Vamana), Purging (Virechana) and two kinds of therapeutic enemas (Sneha Vasti and Kashaya Vasti with herbal oils and herbal decoctions respectively). To put the above jargon in simpler words, the toxins in my body are going to be moved to the alimentary tract through massage, fomentation and medication, from where they would be removed through enemas. My intestines are going to be gargled with exotic fluids. And I think by the time I am through with this treatment I would have been folded into five (hence the name five fold therapy eh?)

More to come

There are three phases to this treatment. Come back tomorrow to know more about the first phase of this five-fold therapy (human-origami, I call it). You are welcome to leave any comment, but without mentioning the word coffee/kapi. Please.


  1. in which hospital you were treating and got snehapanam drink?i have a reason to ask this.while i was in an ayurvedic eye hospital in koothattukulam,kerala i happened to overhear the same comments in april09 that too from a tamil speaking woman.this similarity seems to be much your article created a surprise.

  2. வணக்கம்
    இந்தியன் எக்ஸ்பிரெஸ்ஸில் தொடர்ந்து வாசித்து வருகிறேன்.வலைத்தளம் தந்ததற்கு நன்றி. உங்கள் எழுத்தில் உள்ள அங்கதம் உங்கள் கருத்தாக்கத்தை சுவைப்படுத்துகிறது.தமிழிலும் எழுதுவீர்களா? - சித்தன்

  3. I read your column yesterday in the Express and found it extremely premature and fickle. The treatment you wrote about is a centuries old treatment method that definitely is above such sensationalist skepticism.

    As a frank feedback I would urge you to stay away from such judgmental writeup without at least completing the entire course of the treatment program and deep research.As a responsible writer you should not create incorrect and premature impressions in your reader's mind.(They could be missing a genuinely exhilarating experience)

    Also the effect of treatment will only surface after 3 months of completion and the first attribute required for good recovery is faith and unfortunately I guess someone there has forgotten to orient you.

    I could recommend an authentic Ayurvedic treatment center, based on my personal experience and then maybe you could make an informed choice :-)

    Warm regards

  4. Vayalar,
    I am at a centre in Chennai. In Tamil sneham means friendliness and hence the similarity in response :) Thanks for the feedback.

  5. Vanakkam Chithan,
    Your Tamil is absolutely delightful. No, I do not write in Tamil and it remains one of my greatest regrets.
    Thanks for your feedback.
    Jaya Madhavan

  6. Dear Ajayshankar,
    I have written a separate mail to you. :) Thanks for your feedback and offer for recommendation. I am in the hands of an excellent doctor.
    Jaya Madhavan

  7. was 'vatta, pitta n kafa' a bait for a number of 'hits'?
    so what was the bet with the spouse/editor??!!

  8. read ur column in the paper....n just thot to check out ur blog since i liked dat article and many odr articles before dat....i like d way u seemed quite original and humorous to dont usualy read blogs or reply....just comments on news articles in the net once in a while.....but just felt to write here.....hope itz ok......have fun and take care............

  9. Hey man, i read your express column everytime is can, your quite funny is a loony was ofcourse, cheers :)

  10. Ma'm, your writing style with humour sprinkled elsewhere are handsome. hats off for your style which smells of south indian style. keep it up..with best regards...durairaj.saran

  11. I don't know what to say. I guess we are supposed to empathise, but I can't stop laughing. Blame it on the way you write. Absolutely delightful! :)

  12. I wish i could write so vividly like you.i read all that you write .of course tastes do differ and can draw flak.but that does'nt mean defeat.i tell you madam.You are simply superb.Bhaskaradas c.s.Amrita Ettimadai.

  13. Hi Jaya
    I am a regular reader of your column & find it really amusing. Infact, on Sundays, the first thing I reach out to is your skit(if I may call it so !!)Loved your today's Removing the thorns. I used to remove the vertical ones by pressing a key hole( a key with a hole at the bottom !!wonder if such keys exist these days !!!) around the thorn & pressing the same.
    love & hugs usha

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  15. Hi Jaya...
    Wenever i'm down n depressed n feel tht life s shitty... al i do s take an old issue of the zeitgeist or i.witness n read your column...
    Tis a great antidep n it fills me wit a fervour tht ther s more to look forward to in this loony life...
    Watever ur mystery illness s... i want you to know tht wenever i pray(once in a while) i pray not only for me to clear al my sem papers but also for u, ur son , ur daughter n ofcourse ur 'too-good-looking-for-you' hubby...
    I especially like ur grandmother...
    take care n hv a loony life...


  16. Hi :)
    I, like so many others, find your writing deeply interesting and humorous. I find your style so fresh and unique. Once my friend started a talk with "you know what's the first thing i check out on a Sunday?" , and we both went "Jaya Madhavan's article".You inspire me.:)
    PS: love your grandmother's foetal sleeping style. ;)

  17. ஜெயா, முன் எப்போதும் அறிந்ததில்லை. திடீரென நிகழ்ந்த அறிமுகத்துக்குப் பிறகு வலைப்பதிவில் மேலும் அறிந்தேன். மிக்க மகிழ்ச்சி. வெல்க உனது விரல்கள். இனிய வாழ்த்துகள்!

    நாளையவரை நட்புடன்,

  18. Jaya, Im loving your articles. You are welcome to reuse and recycle. BUT PLEASE DON'T REDUCE. Keep writing.

  19. hi jaya ji.
    i am viven monis from mangalore a student of philosophy.i follow your articles in Indian express. i find it very interesting with lot of humorous write not bout extra-terrestrial objects or something which goes above our head but of day today activities in life...i read today your article on group study...while reading i could imagine my group study sessions which were hardly successful:) keep writing and enrich the minds:)

  20. you articles make me laugh, introspect, and some of the articles that you write are kind of echoes of my thoughts! from Illayaraja's music to the comment of the Tambram's anger and "letters to the editor threat" to your thoughts on heroine brandishing the rakhi thread against the villain, to the serpentine queue being Adi Seshan's tail :)
    searching for meatless, egg less food in Europe :)
    My wife thinks that you could have very easily been my twin, if not akka or thangachi!! :)

    Keep writing - make us laugh

  21. viven
    i like the BSNL part.....i agree,they r as much co-operative as our doctors keeping us in bee line for hours...but not worse than bangalore autoricksha the past we use to tel them where to go but now we should go where they take us:)