The Purging of Jaya Madhavan

Welcome and namaste to all my dear readers who have arrived to read about the purging of Jaya Madhavan easily one of the pleasantest topics to read just before brunch, lunch or dinner.
I am undergoing the Panchakarma (Ayurvedic) treatment and do not be misled by anyone who says it is one of the most ex-otic, ex-quisite and ex-hilarating treatments to undergo. If at all it is any “ex”, it is ex-asperating and ex-pensive.
Just to give you the context- I have been suffering an insufferable ailment the past four years- a way too unglamorous illness that does not suit my writer-image as much as a lymphosarcoma or a brain tumour would. After a long round in allopathic hospitals where doctors were about as helpful as BSNL employees, I zeroed in on an Ayurvedic doctor who in no simple terms told me that what I have is a Vatta disorder and my apana vayu (downwardly mobile bodily gas) is all screwed and angry and causing me the illness. The Sanskrit sloka she quoted to substantiate her diagnosis sounded something like “Vatta-shutta-butta-pitta-kutta-mutta-swaha!”
Just as I was fleeing both the Sanskrit and the diagnosis, a helpful Dubashi in the clinic told me kindly that, according to Ayurveda all diseases are a manifestation of the imbalances in the three doshas of Vatta, Pitta and Kafa (roughly gas, bile and phlegm) and once these three Musketeers are evened out, the disease should also automatically vanish. And a sure shot side effect of this treatment, he said would be weight loss upto 7 kilos in 22 days. Now that got me hooked and here I am, undergoing the Panchakarma treatment- the ultimate laundering of your body.

Note on Panchakarma

Panchakarma (literally meaning "five actions") is directed at cleansing your body by removing toxins through nasal therapy (Nasya), Vomiting (Vamana), Purging (Virechana) and two kinds of therapeutic enemas (Sneha Vasti and Kashaya Vasti with herbal oils and herbal decoctions respectively). To put the above jargon in simpler words, the toxins in my body are going to be moved to the alimentary tract through massage, fomentation and medication, from where they would be removed through enemas. My intestines are going to be gargled with exotic fluids. And I think by the time I am through with this treatment I would have been folded into five (hence the name five fold therapy eh?)

More to come

There are three phases to this treatment. Come back tomorrow to know more about the first phase of this five-fold therapy (human-origami, I call it). You are welcome to leave any comment, but without mentioning the word coffee/kapi. Please.